hello, sir or madam.

2012 is only less than an hour from being finished, so i decided to post something to see through my year, ahah. (yes, you're not dreaming, this is indeed a post.) however, since i really don't remember much from this year, i'm afraid this will be a short post. nevertheless! we shall dive into the wonderful year of 2012, i guess.

in general retrospection, the first half of the year was pretty awesome. second semester of freshman year of college saw me hitting the books more often because i finally got off my ass to study, although there were some bumpy starts in the beginning. nonetheless, i pulled through, and i look back at that semester fondly, though now that i think of it, there were some very notable strains in the semester.

summer, oh summer. i went back home for a week after my semester ended before returning to good ol' disgustingly hot and humid rochester for a summer semester of learning because i decided that i'd become a brain and cognitive sciences major. and while i ended up with an a for the class for bcs, my painting class was left rather unfinished with only one of three assigned paintings finished and one half-done. my bcs class had been brutal for me, three hours every day from 9 to 11, and thus began my lovely transition to coffee drinking.

(also i did shit for that class and cried a lot when i had to cram weeks-worth of studying into a single night before the three exams given.)

the rest of summer dissolved into a lazy sleepfest with mother concurrently nagging me to get a job and learn to drive my own ass around. suffice to say, neither of the demands had been fulfilled. (i hold hope for next summer though. 2013, don't let me down!!)

entering sophomore year with fall semester, i reverted back to the state of mind i had my freshman year around this same time, and boy did it affect my gpa. during this time, i became progressively unhappier with myself and my chosen paths, and as of yet, i am currently in the wind about what i want to do in life.

class-wise, i took the liberty of skipping many, many classes bc i was either using it supplement for another class or bc i just couldn't give enough of a shit. and nearing the end of the semester, i grew more and more guilty with putting off work and more and more unmotivated to do anything at all for my classes while still lamenting the state of my gpa.

(as an aside, i ended up with three a-, one a, and one b, which is amazing bc i didn't expect even a b for some of my classes, though my gpa still tanked a couple of points. we'll work on it next semester.)

i'm hoping that spring will bring a better acire to the table. having finally escaped the toxicity of fall 2012, i've been floating around aimlessly these days, still winding down from the state of emotional upheaval of the days leading up to finals week. i'm still unmotivated, and i teeter between fearing that i'm hitting depression rather accurately on the nose and assuring myself that it's just me giving myself excuses for my poor academic performance. still, it is frightening, and i debate about whether i should talk to the counselors once i return because i don't want this affecting my life next year.

now, on a happier note, i've returned to writing! amazing, isn't it? and the fandom of choice is teen wolf, surprise surprise. if you've been following me on twitter, much of my recent tweets have been something about tw fic or the ever-popular derek/stiles pairing. yes, i am a shipper. and i hate the name 'sterek'. please don't ever bring it up. pfft. anyway, my productivity in this area has been shockingly high, especially during the final weeks of this semester while i was looking for something to escape into for a while. hopefully this productivity can continue because otherwise, i'll be facing another dry spell for at least another three years.

(shameless pimping over here too: i'm calculus on ao3 where my fics are archived, so if you want to look and laugh at my fumbling attempts, heh, go there. i always want crit on my work, so if you've got some, please send it my way! :3)

and so, my final comments on 2012:
→ fuck
→ you
→ world
→ also, congrats to obama on securing another four years in the white house. a late response to the elections, but i was seriously worried about the rest of my college years had romney actually taken the seat and my future, so kudos, obama. thanks for saving my ass.
→ i hope to never see the backside of this year ever again~

here's to looking at you, 2013. you better be worth this grief.

(ps. insomnia is a fucking bitch omg i spent the last few days tossing and turning until at least 3 or 4 in the morning)