/should really be reading econ text and then bio text and studying protists
my birthday ends in six minutes, teehee. officially an adult, whoop whoop, and yet i still have crushing amounts of homework to do, bawwww. but thank you to all my well-wishers! warmed the cockles of my heart, teehee, guys. ♥♥♥♥
happy birthday to mary/![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
realvoix! birthday twin, let's go buy porn together! :DDD
my birthday ends in six minutes, teehee. officially an adult, whoop whoop, and yet i still have crushing amounts of homework to do, bawwww. but thank you to all my well-wishers! warmed the cockles of my heart, teehee, guys. ♥♥♥♥
happy birthday to mary/
realvoix! birthday twin, let's go buy porn together! :DDD
HOMG IS IT REALLY ME ONLINE??????
/shot
lmao. hi gaiz. i hope you remember who i am ;~~~; sometimes, i don't even remember who i am. eh. whatever. anyway, it's been a while since my last post here, hah hah. i actually have been fairly active on lj, even without actually being onvowel. as some of you may have noticed, i have been trolling on a side account during my absence as vowel, and will most likely turn to that account when i once again lock myself away from this one. |D
life's been a mix of blah and eh for me. school's been just school, with lit teacher piling up shitloads of freaking reading, and my senioritis just worsening by the day, sigh. midterms are this week, so, hopefully i can bring myself around in time to bring up those midyear grades before sending them off to colleges. sigh. i had four interviews this month, all of which were extremely nervewracking, and i hope never to do them again until such time when i must go look for employment. but hopefully by then, i'll have won the nobel prize or written a bestseller. /pipe dream ahahahaha
i tried going through my flist, but it kind of bored me after a while. and then i started to cry. uh-huh. in my defense, it was not straight-out bawling, just a couple or ten tears dropping. :| i don't even know, okay.
anyway, i have nothing interesting to say, just popping in to say that i'm alive and well (sorry to disappoint you all ahahaha) and to say that i miss you guys and being in the loop about things 8| like renames and whatnot, and now it's time for me to leave, ahahahahahha.
♥
/shot
lmao. hi gaiz. i hope you remember who i am ;~~~; sometimes, i don't even remember who i am. eh. whatever. anyway, it's been a while since my last post here, hah hah. i actually have been fairly active on lj, even without actually being on
vowel. as some of you may have noticed, i have been trolling on a side account during my absence as vowel, and will most likely turn to that account when i once again lock myself away from this one. |Dlife's been a mix of blah and eh for me. school's been just school, with lit teacher piling up shitloads of freaking reading, and my senioritis just worsening by the day, sigh. midterms are this week, so, hopefully i can bring myself around in time to bring up those midyear grades before sending them off to colleges. sigh. i had four interviews this month, all of which were extremely nervewracking, and i hope never to do them again until such time when i must go look for employment. but hopefully by then, i'll have won the nobel prize or written a bestseller. /pipe dream ahahahaha
i tried going through my flist, but it kind of bored me after a while. and then i started to cry. uh-huh. in my defense, it was not straight-out bawling, just a couple or ten tears dropping. :| i don't even know, okay.
anyway, i have nothing interesting to say, just popping in to say that i'm alive and well (sorry to disappoint you all ahahaha) and to say that i miss you guys and being in the loop about things 8| like renames and whatnot, and now it's time for me to leave, ahahahahahha.
♥
press play.
Nov. 9th, 2010 01:56 amso i'm still failing calc, what else is new. i've brought my french grade up to an 87, which isn't too bad, but not good enough for my overall gpa. :| and bio's dropped down to around an 89-ish because of my last test test, which i don't feel too happy about.
overall, a normal person would be ecstatic with my current grades--except for my calc grade--and probably get into a nice school. i, on the other hand, am miserable because it's such a drop from the last three years invested in my high school career and because i'm applying to overly selective schools because i just don't know when to quit.
i really just have to make myself like binghamton. :| come on, acire, it's a good and cheap school. so what if it's dead and not an actual place you wanted to go to. be glad you're even considered. (oh the arrogance. i might not even get accepted into binghamton. why am i already talking like i was?)
basically, life sucks because everything revolves around school and i keep procrastinating from facing the inevitable workload. sigh. i was doing pretty well with my hiatus, though. then i just got lonely. :(
how are you guys?
overall, a normal person would be ecstatic with my current grades--except for my calc grade--and probably get into a nice school. i, on the other hand, am miserable because it's such a drop from the last three years invested in my high school career and because i'm applying to overly selective schools because i just don't know when to quit.
i really just have to make myself like binghamton. :| come on, acire, it's a good and cheap school. so what if it's dead and not an actual place you wanted to go to. be glad you're even considered. (oh the arrogance. i might not even get accepted into binghamton. why am i already talking like i was?)
basically, life sucks because everything revolves around school and i keep procrastinating from facing the inevitable workload. sigh. i was doing pretty well with my hiatus, though. then i just got lonely. :(
how are you guys?
whatever the hell the number is now;
Nov. 3rd, 2010 11:52 pmyou know what frakking sucks. i'm failing bc calc right now, and my teacher wants me to drop the class. kasdjflasd;fjslkaj on my last test, i somehow managed to score a whopping 35 out of 80. THIRTY-FUCKING-FIVE OUT OF EIGHTY. HOW IS THIS EVEN REAL.
my pride right now is smarting so much you have no idea. honestly, i thought, after i had submitted in my uchicago application, "gee, maybe i can actually get in. maybe i actually have a shot at this school--maybe i can even get waitlisted for dartmouth!!!!" but noooooooooooooo. just had to go pop that frakking bubble, didn't ya.
i don't feel like i can get into college now. :|
(just sneaking on dw to say my thoughts. janet's still got my lj account captive, ha hah ha. how are you guys though?)
my pride right now is smarting so much you have no idea. honestly, i thought, after i had submitted in my uchicago application, "gee, maybe i can actually get in. maybe i actually have a shot at this school--maybe i can even get waitlisted for dartmouth!!!!" but noooooooooooooo. just had to go pop that frakking bubble, didn't ya.
i don't feel like i can get into college now. :|
(just sneaking on dw to say my thoughts. janet's still got my lj account captive, ha hah ha. how are you guys though?)
(day twenty-four) + (rest of the days)
Sep. 23rd, 2010 04:09 pmcrying crying crying: talking to my parents for an extended period of time in which they refuse to listen to my reasons, and i become increasingly tongue-tied with what i want to say will immediately make me start losing composure. if left untreated long enough, there will most definitely be waterworks and painful breathing.
crying is not a pretty sight.
a first: i might have to drop bc calculus. we'll see how the next four tests this quarter goes. if i can't salvage my grades, i will suck it up and drop down to ab calc. :\ my pride, it burns.
my fears: i have a lot of things i'm afraid of. currently, it's not getting into the colleges that i wanted, not finding a good enough college that will actually accept me, not being realistic enough about my desires, failing my math and english classes, watching my gpa plummet and basically derive me of any chance of getting into college. i don't like being mocked, so i'm paranoid that people talk about me behind my back about my faults. i'm scared of losing my friends because it's always happened to me, so i get anxious when friends get mad at me. i'm afraid of disappointing my mother because when all's said and done, i really am a filial child, trying to please her mother in any way possible for approval. :\
i'm scared of the dark unless i'm in an enclosed space. fff i don't like bees or flies or insects or bugs. my instinct is to smash them to pieces, but then i also feel incredibly guilty about killing innocent bugs. who am i to trifle with their lives just because i don't like how they make me feel? thus, i usually scream for mum to kill them instead. 8| i'm somewhat afraid of heights, but i love rollercoasters anyway. i'm paranoid when i'm walking to the corner of the street to wait for the bus in like dusk when it's all dark and yet morning and no one else is out there with me.
favorite places: i love guangzhou even if i do loathe the heat and humidity. i like my room a lot; i do live here. 8} i like flushing where i get to walk around and eat stuff hah hah. idk, i don't go out much, so i don't really have a lot of favorite places, hah hah.
what i miss: i miss living in queens and being able to walk to a restaurant instead of having to wait until somebody drives me there. i miss taking the bus and actually knowing the routes. :( i miss being able to relax without feeling incredibly guilty about what i'm ignoring to do so. i miss the days when people wouldn't actually leave me behind.
aspirations: right now, my wholly unrealistic aspiration is to get into dartmouth. :| yeah yeah, i know, stop talking about it. it's just a dream, anyway. but what i really want to do is someday join peace corps and help around the world. if i go into med school and become a doctor, i want to join doctors without borders. and of course, graduate with no debt, sob.
last moment: acire stared at her screen, feeling uncomfortable and uncertain. this wasn't going to work. she wouldn't be able to do it. but she had to, for the sake of her grades. she grimaced, reminded of the calc test she had just failed and the imminent disappointment her mother will shower her with once the truth comes out. no, she had to do this.
slowly, she began to type, still burdened with guilt of failure and the ever-present fear of college rejections.
crying is not a pretty sight.
a first: i might have to drop bc calculus. we'll see how the next four tests this quarter goes. if i can't salvage my grades, i will suck it up and drop down to ab calc. :\ my pride, it burns.
my fears: i have a lot of things i'm afraid of. currently, it's not getting into the colleges that i wanted, not finding a good enough college that will actually accept me, not being realistic enough about my desires, failing my math and english classes, watching my gpa plummet and basically derive me of any chance of getting into college. i don't like being mocked, so i'm paranoid that people talk about me behind my back about my faults. i'm scared of losing my friends because it's always happened to me, so i get anxious when friends get mad at me. i'm afraid of disappointing my mother because when all's said and done, i really am a filial child, trying to please her mother in any way possible for approval. :\
i'm scared of the dark unless i'm in an enclosed space. fff i don't like bees or flies or insects or bugs. my instinct is to smash them to pieces, but then i also feel incredibly guilty about killing innocent bugs. who am i to trifle with their lives just because i don't like how they make me feel? thus, i usually scream for mum to kill them instead. 8| i'm somewhat afraid of heights, but i love rollercoasters anyway. i'm paranoid when i'm walking to the corner of the street to wait for the bus in like dusk when it's all dark and yet morning and no one else is out there with me.
favorite places: i love guangzhou even if i do loathe the heat and humidity. i like my room a lot; i do live here. 8} i like flushing where i get to walk around and eat stuff hah hah. idk, i don't go out much, so i don't really have a lot of favorite places, hah hah.
what i miss: i miss living in queens and being able to walk to a restaurant instead of having to wait until somebody drives me there. i miss taking the bus and actually knowing the routes. :( i miss being able to relax without feeling incredibly guilty about what i'm ignoring to do so. i miss the days when people wouldn't actually leave me behind.
aspirations: right now, my wholly unrealistic aspiration is to get into dartmouth. :| yeah yeah, i know, stop talking about it. it's just a dream, anyway. but what i really want to do is someday join peace corps and help around the world. if i go into med school and become a doctor, i want to join doctors without borders. and of course, graduate with no debt, sob.
last moment: acire stared at her screen, feeling uncomfortable and uncertain. this wasn't going to work. she wouldn't be able to do it. but she had to, for the sake of her grades. she grimaced, reminded of the calc test she had just failed and the imminent disappointment her mother will shower her with once the truth comes out. no, she had to do this.
slowly, she began to type, still burdened with guilt of failure and the ever-present fear of college rejections.
(day twenty-three)
Sep. 22nd, 2010 11:58 pmwhat makes me feel better: eating and sleeping. and then gratuitous fic-reading. :\ most of the times, i just go take a nap and see if the feelings go away after a while. otherwise, nothing will really make me feel better?
(day twenty) + (day twenty one)
Sep. 20th, 2010 09:23 pmthis month: what about this month. 8| it's september, the start of school. what else? i'm using this month to finish my college apps 8||||
another moment: acire yawned quietly and stretched. slumping over, she laid her head on the desk, half-listening to her biology teacher teach the class macromolecules. eyes fluttering, and not in the flirtatious way, acire shook herself, trying to stay awake.
what hell is this.
another moment: acire yawned quietly and stretched. slumping over, she laid her head on the desk, half-listening to her biology teacher teach the class macromolecules. eyes fluttering, and not in the flirtatious way, acire shook herself, trying to stay awake.
what hell is this.
(day nineteen)
Sep. 18th, 2010 08:42 pmregrets: where do i begin?
currently, my biggest regret is how i started off this school year. :| with a bigger workload on my back, i've been pushing off the work until the last minute, and then when it comes time for studying, i just do half-assed work and i get the grades that i undoubtedly deserve, but it's still suck a slap in my face. :| i don't know what's going on with me this year. there's no focus, no motivation, and overall sloppy work. forget about getting into college; i need to figure out how to fix myself before i do any lasting damage to my gpa and my last year of high school.
hoping that next week will be better 'cause this week was craptastic.
currently, my biggest regret is how i started off this school year. :| with a bigger workload on my back, i've been pushing off the work until the last minute, and then when it comes time for studying, i just do half-assed work and i get the grades that i undoubtedly deserve, but it's still suck a slap in my face. :| i don't know what's going on with me this year. there's no focus, no motivation, and overall sloppy work. forget about getting into college; i need to figure out how to fix myself before i do any lasting damage to my gpa and my last year of high school.
hoping that next week will be better 'cause this week was craptastic.
(day eighteen)
Sep. 17th, 2010 09:02 pmfavorite birthday: i don't have one. i barely remember half of them. i never do anything special for my birthday, really. since mum and i have birthdays within four days of each other, we usually do some joint birthday celebration instead lol.
today was a shit day.
today was a shit day.
(day seventeen)
Sep. 16th, 2010 08:23 pmfavorite memory: memory of what?
in all honesty, all memories are the same to me. no, that's wrong. all memories are of equal or lesser value to me. there is no one favorite memory for me, especially when i'm pressed for an answer. memories come to me only when they want to, not when i need them to.
i don't even know what i'm saying anymore, okay jkflas;jalk
i have allergies guys. i cannot stop blowing my nose, it's so congested what the hell. i just woke up like this klas;jaa
i have a big test tomorrow and some other things but i'm not getting any of it done. i've always tried to tell myself to stop procrastinating, and make the effort to follow through with my goals, but it never ends up working.
i am just destined to procrastinate for the rest of my life okakdja;l
in all honesty, all memories are the same to me. no, that's wrong. all memories are of equal or lesser value to me. there is no one favorite memory for me, especially when i'm pressed for an answer. memories come to me only when they want to, not when i need them to.
i don't even know what i'm saying anymore, okay jkflas;jalk
i have allergies guys. i cannot stop blowing my nose, it's so congested what the hell. i just woke up like this klas;jaa
i have a big test tomorrow and some other things but i'm not getting any of it done. i've always tried to tell myself to stop procrastinating, and make the effort to follow through with my goals, but it never ends up working.
i am just destined to procrastinate for the rest of my life okakdja;l
(day fourteen) + (day fifteen)
Sep. 14th, 2010 08:44 pmclothes today: a banana republic t-shirt, a grey sweater/jacket whatever, dark blue jeans, and red hightops. and glasses and necessary underwear. and a scarf lol.
dreams: i didn't sleep very deeply the last two days to have gotten any dreams. 8| usually, when i do get enough sleep, i dream about epic adventures, entire sagas with pirates and violence and fantasy and like alternate universe shit. i could write books off my dreams except i never get to remember the plots of them. 8| like this dream i had on saturday/sunday whatever: somehow, i was in an underground version of my school that turned into some kind of huge fucking city because i somehow released a swarm of deadly mosquitoes and spread african fever around. 8|||||||| don't even ask me.
i can see i will be visiting my guidance counselor a lot this year. sighing forever.
dreams: i didn't sleep very deeply the last two days to have gotten any dreams. 8| usually, when i do get enough sleep, i dream about epic adventures, entire sagas with pirates and violence and fantasy and like alternate universe shit. i could write books off my dreams except i never get to remember the plots of them. 8| like this dream i had on saturday/sunday whatever: somehow, i was in an underground version of my school that turned into some kind of huge fucking city because i somehow released a swarm of deadly mosquitoes and spread african fever around. 8|||||||| don't even ask me.
i can see i will be visiting my guidance counselor a lot this year. sighing forever.
(day thirteen)
Sep. 12th, 2010 07:53 pmthis week: i have a calc test tomorrow. i gave up on doing the french homework, actually. i'm preparing myself to accept that zero ughugh. goodbye high gpa ;AAA; there's no point in dreaming of dartmouth anymore. anyway.
i don't know what's going on this week. i have a nhs thing for back to school night which is apparently this week? idk rofl. i have a nhs meeting the day after too. i think i'll be busy this year. and trying very hard not to think of how low my gpa will be this year sighing forever
i don't know what's going on this week. i have a nhs thing for back to school night which is apparently this week? idk rofl. i have a nhs meeting the day after too. i think i'll be busy this year. and trying very hard not to think of how low my gpa will be this year sighing forever
(day twelve)
Sep. 11th, 2010 09:04 pmstalk my bag: i...don't own a bag.
that is all. ffffff
in my backpack, i have my school books, my ti-84 calculator, a pack of gum, and my pencil case. FFFFF
that is all. ffffff
in my backpack, i have my school books, my ti-84 calculator, a pack of gum, and my pencil case. FFFFF
clothes today: i'm wearing a grey jacket/sweater thing whatever it's called, my green sportime t-shirt that's ridic huge even on fat ol' me, and sleeping pants. and necessary underwear, naturally.
what, you thought i was going to prettify myself for a day out? not going to happen, bub.
anyway, i finished my part of the rec post for tortes. speed goddess am i. kekekekekkekeke
what, you thought i was going to prettify myself for a day out? not going to happen, bub.
anyway, i finished my part of the rec post for tortes. speed goddess am i. kekekekekkekeke
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